I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
