I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
