this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
