just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
