When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
