I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
