So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
