had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
