I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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