He kissed a someone with a penis
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
