I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize