Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
