The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Someone shit on the floor
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
