So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
