If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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