Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
