I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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