Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
