oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
