69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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