Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
