It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
