don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
