wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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