Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
