We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
