I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
