If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
