Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
