Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
