I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love you. Go after that dick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
