she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
