I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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