is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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