I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And my parents said I crawled through the house
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
