I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
