this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
