I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
