If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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