oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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