I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
