Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
