i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
