I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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