I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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