I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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