I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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