I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
