I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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