Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
