fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
