8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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