haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
