I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
