Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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