Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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