i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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