she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
