I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
