using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize