Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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