Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize