And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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