she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
