So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
