why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
