Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
