Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
