So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
