I want to make a zoo with you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
