i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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