you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
