I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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