please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize