So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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