I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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