She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
