I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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